What went wrong?

I spoke to you today. First time I’ve made first contact. It was ok but so normal it nearly broke my heart. But now, scared that I will succumb to the dream, forget the everyday insistent reality that drove me from our house: the read texts, the phone calls listened into, the phone calls tracked on my mobile, the lack of responsibility, the lack of money, no picnics, no camping, no fishing- all things I liked that cost nothing but not there. The overriding fear about the cat stopping  us doing anything even though he’d be safe in the chattery?

No time to myself, not going to bed on my own, no chance of a duvet day, I had to be busy. Cleaned, cooked, washed etc. And worked full-time at a demanding job.

If you love me, why did you not care for me?

So as long as I was submissive and docile, then it was ok. But if not, the sulks, the withdrawal of affection, I was bereaved and I’ll – why did no not deserve compassion?


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