Not even too sure what it is. But whatever it is, I decided to make the most of it – part of my improved attitude to life. If nothing else it is spending quiet time calm room, not being required to ‘be’ anything or anyone. I think there is more than that, in the power of loving touch, part of me that has been so hurt and become so withered, is finally starting to get a few green shoots.
After the session, the person who ‘did’ it, the reiki practitioner, gave me her ‘reading’ of my body. I found it quite accurate, startlingly so, more than just good second guesses ( you were very tense, obviously in emotional pain etc). She hit on two things:
1. A lot of tension in my face, as thought I am wearing a mask. Only this week I had become aware of tension in my jaw, mouth, tongue and cheeks. I have said for several months now that I am good actor, and I do it because in my world view, people don’t want to be bothered with me if I am in pain or needy. Plus I have some strange concept of professional pride at work, I am the coper, wonder-woman etc.
2. Tension in my ankles, as though I am always running one to the next task, like the demented rabbit in the ‘Alice’ stories. And I think this is something again I am just becoming aware of- how much my life has been revolving around ‘doing’ not ‘being’. So bl**dy driven. I need to learn to slow down. Isn’t that what my body has been telling me? With disastrous consequences when I failed to obey!
So the insights were useful in cementing my own thoughts this week.
one final thought, I cried again during it. Tears literally leaked from my eyes. There was no sobbing, just water leaking down my face. If I am sat one way, it can run into my ear. I don’t know if it is being mindful, but I became very aware of the track of it, the feel of it, the sensation of it. Almost detached from it. But not quite. Maybe a ‘safe’ release of tension?